That time I got ripped apart

April 3, 2015

Written By

Tabitha Dumas

It’s been seven years.

Seven years ago, I was just barely six weeks pregnant but far along enough that we’d already told our friends and family and I had already filled out my pregnancy journal with my due date (December 28).

I spent Mother’s Day weekend 2008 feeling like I had the flu but attended church, celebrated Mother’s Day with my mom and our three-year-old son and reminded myself that the butterfly on my cake represented the hope of new life.

Butterfly symbolizes the hope of new life

For months before and what would be many months after, I experienced varying degrees of anxiety.

For a period of weeks, I could barely eat. My palms would sweat and my heart would race–for no reason. There were a few nights when I was pushed to the brink of what I thought I could handle.

I remember asking my mom, “When is this going to end??”

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Yet in the midst of it, exactly a year later, my Redemption Baby came home from the hospital.


Mother's Day 2008 the butterfly symbolized the hope of new life, even during a miscarriage

Born May 12, 2009

I mean, seriously. 

Ethan our redemption baby

Ethan 2010, age 1.5.

This kid.

Ethan redemption baby on the beach

On the beach summer 2014, age 5

He’s turning six on May 12 and just looking at him still makes my heart swell so much that I fear it might burst.

I know that my story is a gift…a gift that I thank God for every day…and I know that not all stories have happy endings.

I know that many of you reading this have a story that is still being told.

So many women struggle when it comes to becoming a mother, whether with adoption challenges, infertility issues, unplanned pregnancies or a myriad of other female “disorders,” detours and disappointments.

Becoming a mother can tear you apart.

I know a lot of you are still torn up about your experience.

Even that Mother’s Day weekend (pictured below), as I settled into the idea that I was one of “those women” who’d had a miscarriage, I promised God that I would take my experience and use it to help other women who were struggling with it themselves.

Mother's Day 2008

Mother’s Day 2008, hugging my first born extra tight during my miscarriage.

My levels of compassion went WAY up and for that, I am grateful.

The thing is, the miscarriage was merely a real-life picture of a woman who was already broken.

I was already torn up. I was too busy, I was distracted, I was living someone else’s life.

I was trying to earn my keep, keep everyone happy, be all things to all people and somehow “prove myself” to God.

The miscarriage just gave me permission to fall apart.

I preach self care. I preach “putting yourself out there.” I preach about pursuing your God-sized dream, gaining the confidence to go after what you want, asking for help, celebrating your successes…

because I am whole now. Sozo.

I know what it’s like to fall apart and get put back together. I have walked a long road over these seven years and I have worked very hard to get where I am today.

There is nothing I want more than to facilitate other women being able to find wholeness, too.

[tweetthis]Life is too short to postpone joy.[/tweetthis]

Life is too precious to sleep walk through it.

Hear this. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to try harder.

You just have to embrace who you are, how God designed you, what you were created to do and the art you were made to live.

It’s already there–if you take the time to slow down and appreciate it.

I can give you some content strategy. I can take you shopping for a new look. I can edit your blog posts.

A “whole” new look. Looking “put together.” 

But what I really want to do is pour you a cup of tea, lean in close and ask you, “Where are your cracks? Where are your broken places? When did you fall apart?”

I imagine a world full of WHOLE women and it IS the reason I do what I do.

It takes a whole woman to truly elevate your image and expand your influence.

[tweetthis]The world needs a whole you. Your family, friends and loved ones need a whole you.[/tweetthis]

Let’s join together, ladies, to champion the cause of wholeness. Instead of tearing each other apart, let’s help each other put ourselves back together.

Life tears us apart enough.

Sozo. It’s the reason I am here and the reason we need each other.


If you’ve experienced some setbacks on YOUR journey of womanhood and would like some online support and encouragement within a caring community of women, request to be added to my God Knits Facebook group here.

DO YOU NEED A  SPEAKER for your women’s  group or your next women’s ministry event? I’d love to share my story and facilitate a “Whole Woman” experience for you! Check out my events page.

Finding wholeness again when motherhood rips you apart. From


Holler if you have questions…or if you want to come over to have that cup of tea together. (602) 349-1129


  1. Maxine Gonzalez

    Hey Tabitha!

    OK so this post of yours really is awesome, the pictures and words for sure! We all go through life experiences so as to help the next soul along in theirs. YOU are an inspiration to so many women…..praying GOD continues to show you the path to walk along securely in HIM! LOVE AND HUGS!

    • Tabitha Dumas

      Thank you for your sweet comment!! He IS showing me the path…and I’m so happy that you’re walking it with me! 🙂


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