Expand Your Influence

They’re not thinking about you

As women (humans, really), we often obsess about how other people perceive us. I’ve got great news…

they’re not thinking about you.


I got a text this morning: “Hi, Tabitha, this is so-and-so! I hope to see you today at 3:00 if that still works for you!”

Three problems:

  • I met this women over a year ago
  • I haven’t talked to her since then
  • There’s nothing on my calendar for today.

My thoughts were…

Had she emailed me about an event and I’d agreed to it and not written it down??

Did I have a different woman by the same name in my contact list??

Had I signed up for an event without realizing she was hosting it??

I eventually just texted back, “Can you please refresh my memory as to what’s going on today??”

Her reply: “Sorry! I texted the wrong person!”

Well, she used my name in the initial text so either she knows more than one Tabitha or thought she’d invited me to something but hadn’t. Oops.Β 

Here’s the deal: my initial reaction was not thinking about HER possible mistake, it was about MINE.

I wasn’t thinking, “Gosh, what a flake!,” or “I can’t believe she made that mistake,” or “How could she have done that??”

No, I was thinking about ME. Did I enter a contact’s information wrong, did I forget about a commitment I made, did I miss seeing an email???

From her side, she probably feels silly–especially if she thinks I am offended that I didn’t get invited to whatever this event is! She may think I think she’s flaky. She may think I am insulted that she wasted five minutes of my Sunday.

Maybe you’ve been on that side of it in your own “oops moment.”

But the truth was, I was thinking about ME.

Newsflash: people aren’t thinking about you. They’re not thinking about what you’re wearing or what goof-up you just made–they’re thinking about themselves.
the're not thinking about you
Pretty but unrelated photo.


What does this mean?

Go easy on yourself. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. When you experience a little mess-up, apologize and move on and don’t obsess about it. They’re not thinking about you, anyway!

And…when you’re on the receiving end of a goof-up, laugh it off, give them a break and move on.

Have you goofed up lately? Did you beat yourself up about it or let it go? Comment or head over to the Facebook page to keep the conversation going.

Newsflash! They're not thinking about you! This is so true...we're way more obsessed with our own issues to care about yours!

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About Tabitha Dumas

Seeing women showing UP to their life authentically and confidently--THAT is what excites me. I am a strategist, bringer of the fun, trail blazer and agent of encouragement offering creative and effective strategies to help women elevate their image and expand their influence. I'm also a magazine junkie, dedicated wife, fun-loving mama, bargain shopper and story teller trying to use my powers for good in this crazy world. I love my life!
View all posts by Tabitha Dumas →

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