When you need to embrace the rage

September 17, 2016

Written By

Tabitha Dumas

For those of us who are often “too nice,” there are times when we need to embrace the rage and say…“No more nice girl!” 

What do I mean by embracing the rage?

I had a college roommate who was an absolute sweetheart. She never spoke ill of anyone, treated everyone with kindness and couldn’t bear the thought of hurting someone’s feelings.

There came a time when she needed to have a hard conversation with a friend. The “I need you to back off” conversation.

She knew a boundary was being crossed. She knew she had to put her foot down.

But she also knew she would probably shrink back and lose her nerve when she got face to face with this person.

No more nice girl! tabithad.sg-host.com

I had heard her vent about the situation. I knew how frustrated she was. 

We agreed that it had to be done.

So I told her no more nice girl. You have to embrace your rage.

I’m am one of the most agreeable, non-confrontational people you will ever meet. When people come at me, I tend to cave in, overcompensate and sometimes even apologize profusely. I just want the discomfort to end.

For those times when I HAVE to fight for my life, I’ve learned to embrace my rage.

No more nice girl! tabithad.sg-host.com

When I’m venting to my husband? When I’m confiding in a friend about how mad I am about a situation? When I’m all worked up and in a tizzy?

I have to bring that feeling into the hard conversation.

Face to face with people, we can lose our nerve. The nice girl can’t stand the thought of making demands or hurting someone’s feelings. But she HAS to stand up for herself. She has to draw a boundary line. She has to state her case.


I told my friend the exercise that works for me: get into a tizzy. Remind yourself why you HAVE to have this conversation. Get mad. Feel all the feels. Then go. Go talk to them and don’t back down.

Embracing your rage is when you’re allowed to get a little irrational and obsessive because you are fighting for your life.

Nice girls have to let their inner Mr. Hyde loose every now and then.

We can’t play nice all the time, not when our sanity is at stake.

Do you need to say, “No more nice girl!” and embrace your rage? 

[tweetthis]Nice girls have to let their inner Mr. Hyde loose every now and then. #nomorenicegirl[/tweetthis]

-No more nice girl!- Embrace the rage! By nice girl tabithad.sg-host.com


  1. Elle

    I am the same way; I can’t stay mad at anyone. It makes it very difficult to be taken seriously sometimes.

    This is a very timely post, as I’ve some very hard conversations to have in the weeks to come. I care very much about the other people involved, but I need to stand my ground.

    • Tabitha Dumas

      I’ll be praying you find the words to be gracious and firm! It’s never easy.


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