My Redemption Baby

He turns 7 years old today. This is the story of

my redemption baby.

First, the definition of redemption.

[ri-demp-shuh n] noun

1. an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed.
2. deliverance; rescue.
3. Theology. deliverance from sin; salvation.
4. atonement for guilt.
5. repurchase, as of something sold.
6. paying off, as of a mortgage, bond, or note.
7. recovery by payment, as of something pledged.

I’ve written about it numerous times. Here’s the short version.

We had a two-year-old son and wanted to try for another baby.

We were shocked to get pregnant on the first try. Our due date was December 28th, 2008. I went over to my mom’s on Earth Day (April 22) and hung a “Celebrate!” banner. She came home from work and asked what we were celebrating. “Earth Day!” I told her. Then I gave her a card announcing our news and she saw that our son was wearing a Big Brother shirt and she was so excited and cried tears of joy which was perfect because I’d also given her a pack of pocket tissues in a cute cover.

I wasn’t even six weeks along when I started experiencing complications. We knew it was over on Mother’s Day weekend.

I attended church. I cried during the worship time.

When you’re living on hope, tears of sadness flow with a hint of the glory yet to come.

“Hope Now” by Addison Road

That Mother’s Day, I celebrated my mom. I hugged my son extra tight.

There was a cake with a butterfly–the promise of new life.

I thought about those tissues I’d given my mom. Now we were crying tears of grief. Dads, grandparents and siblings suffer, too.  

I finally cried in the shower, released my anger and disappointment and promised God…“If this is what You are allowing for me, I will use it for good.”

It was my version of swearing. I know I uttered it behind gritted teeth at first.

And I’ve been trying to fulfill that ever since. That’s why I started my God Knits ministry on Mother’s Day 2016.

So back in 2008, after I had a few months to recover, we decided to “try” again.

I was absolutely astounded when we got pregnant on the first try–again.

Whispers of redemption. 

“God greatest act was not creation. It is redemption. And He is still in the business of redeeming.” -Pastor Tim Jacobs

Ethan means “solid, enduring” in Hebrew. It was the name picked out for me had I been a boy. All my life, I remember wanting to name my son Ethan. But I married a man named Andrew III, so our first son was Andrew IV. I was thrilled to name our redemption baby Ethan Ryan, Ryan being my mom’s maiden name.

A week before my baby shower for him, God gave me a verse:

Psalm 39:11 “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy.”

Ooooh, if I had only known the joy that was coming.

Ethan came home from the hospital to join our family one year to the day of the miscarriage.

Redemption.

His birth was “by the book,” impressing even the nurses and my doctor. A stark contrast from my first birth that was an emergency birth turned hospital transfer. Redemption.

Since the very beginning, people–even strangers–referred to him as an angel. The blond hair, the blue eyes…he even looks angelic. Sent from heaven.

He has always handed me his treasures.

He laughs like a chipmunk. Joy literally erupts out of him. People admire him. Everywhere we go, people know him. He is a gift and I thank God for him multiple times a day.

My redemption baby is a constant reminder to me of God’s grace and goodness.

On today, his 7th birthday, I thank God again. For entrusting me with my boy and for choosing me as his mother. For His love. And for redemption.

**Now he’s turning 11 and I still hug him tight multiple times a day and thank God for the gift of his presence.

What have you lost? What might God be trying to redeem in your life?