If you want to have it all

So you want to have it all.

I’ve been there.

I wanted to have my college degree, a doting husband, a cozy house, a cute kid, a church home, some hobbies, great friends…and I wanted to host tea parties, teach a class at church, run an Etsy shop…and do all of that while me, the kid and the house all looked fabulous and of course while I had time to take the kid to the park, bake homemade cookies, have some “me time” every night and get in a work out now and then.

Just kidding about the working out part, that was never a part of the picture.

But I wanted to “have it all.” And for a time I did.

Except for the “me time” part. That was the first to go. 

I eventually burned out.

Church had become a full time job, my husband and I were passing like ships in the night, and the kid? We were so busy running around to play dates and activities that I hardly had time to actually enjoy him.

So the part about the husband and I passing like ships in the night? Two things were going on there. #1, I scheduled meetings and non-grocery shopping excursions for times when he was home so I could go out kidless and #2, I wanted to escape. 

I was running away from the very life I’d created.

To “have it all” means having all the stress, busyness and expectations that come with it.

It often means…

• moving from one goal to the next without celebrating your achievements
• saying “yes” to things to keep everyone happy
• being so buried with appointments and to-dos that you ignore the parts of your life that are suffering
• neglecting the people closest to you
• resenting the very projects and opportunities you once wished for
• postponing self care

It’s exhausting.

Yes, you’ll hear…

“I don’t know how you do it all.”

“You’re Super Mom!”

It’s an ego boost but as I often say…

That YOU is usually more slow, intentional and peaceful.

You cannot…please hear me…be wife-mom-daughter-volunteer-employee/boss-baker-hostess-hobbiest AND look fabulous AND take time for yourself AND make all your meals from scratch AND host Thanksgiving AND keep track of family birthdays AND AND AND…

Something’s gotta give.

If you want to have it all, you better define what your “all” is.

The woman who seems to have it all? She’s giving up something. She buys pre-made meals, she has a house cleaner, she has someone helping out with her baby, she shops online…something.

I wrote about “Redefining ‘doing it all'” here.

I also wrote about “What no one tells you about ‘you can’t do it all'” here.

To have the life you want, you have to align your priorities and simplify ruthlessly.

If the committee you’re serving on gets too far away from the original mission you signed on for, give it up.

If you’ve always hosted Thanksgiving, give someone else a turn for one year. Or, make it a potluck and enlist some help.

If making homemade meals means a lot to you, start having your groceries delivered to save time.

Move things around until all you have is all you want.

Only when you can confidently say “yes” to what matters and “no” to what no longer serves you, then you truly have it all.