The running theme throughout the four-plus years we tried to get pregnant was “keep your hopes up.” You can read about it here. It would’ve been so easy to get discouraged and there were times we considered giving up. There were people surrounding us, however, that had plenty of hope to spare and believed we’d get our baby. That’s when borrowed hope comes into play.
I’m twelve weeks pregnant and still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that a tiny new human is growing in my belly. God said it was good!
I had accepted that it might not be in God’s plan for us to have another baby but I felt strongly that I should keep my hopes up unless and until I was sure it wasn’t.
I had always envisioned myself with more than one kid, maybe three or four. But when we didn’t get pregnant again right away, I’d think, “I have two healthy, strong, adorable, fun sons…it’s awfully audacious of me to ask for more!”
Then there’s the girl thing.
I have always wanted a daughter. My mom and I are close and she’s close to her sister and mom (as am I). In fact, all my aunts have daughters. There’s so much I want to experience with a daughter and so much I want to teach her.
Rest assured, we requested a girl this time. But just like accepting that it might not be in God’s plan, I haven’t attached myself to the idea of a girl.
Several times in two days, friends went out of their way to tell me they believe we’re having a girl.
What they meant was, they know I’ve been hoping for a girl and they’re holding out hope on our behalf.
One dear friend and mentor even sent this package.
The dress is Polly Flinders, known for their exquisite smocking, and very popular in the south where I grew up. I wore Polly Flinders dresses as a baby. Opening the box made me cry then when I lifted the dress out and saw the bloomers, it took my breath away.
Baby girls wear bloomers. What if we actually got a baby girl?!?
A little while later in the shower, I was reminded of the moments I spent in the shower before I saw the positive pregnancy test, when I told God, “I’ll keep my hopes up!”
I felt a gentle nudge of, “I fulfilled that desire of your heart with this pregnancy. Why not with a baby girl?”
and I cried.
I’m going to allow for the possibility that this baby is a boy and we have a baby girl still in our future. But thank God for friends who believe we will get our heart’s desire for a daughter. Borrowed hope is a powerful thing. And pretty darn cute, too.